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Author: Subject: Tiger Mother Debates Serenity Parenting
Underwater Plumber


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[*] Post 436676 posted on 11-6-2011 at 11:13 Reply With Quote
Tiger Mother Debates Serenity Parenting

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AC: Some people are just self-motivated my husband was. I also believe there are many children for whom parental involvement is key. I had academic parents and I was a good student, but when I was 14, I got into a bad crowd, my grades starting falling. My father used some tough language on me, and now, as an adult, I am so grateful. Some people don't need parental commitment, they will still come out great, but for others, parents can be critical in providing moral and academic guidance.

BC: Most of my book is based on a summary of 40 years of adoption and twin studies the usual result is parents just don't have much effect on their kids. In your book you have lots of great stories about how you influenced your kids, and I believe you did for a while, but what the adoption and twin evidence says is that the feeling that parents are changing their kids is based on an illusion. There is a big short-run effect, but the long-run effect is very different.

How to parent and at the end of the day is nature more important than nurture?
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[*] Post 436697 posted on 11-6-2011 at 19:41 Reply With Quote

I am inclined to believe that the one author who said that parents do not have a profound effect on their children is wrong. In particular, I know of parents who did not prevent sexual molestation of a child, or who gave small children alcohol and other drugs and thought it was funny to watch a five-year-old daughter who was drunk.

In Bill Hybels' book "Whispers," he tells of a Christian who heard a mother say that when her baby would cry, she would put liquor in the baby's bottle, and then the baby would calm down. The Christian lady found this heartbreaking--how could a child raised in such a way have any chance for success in life? She felt led by the Lord to devote her efforts to helping and advancing children, which she has done ever since.
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[*] Post 436772 posted on 12-6-2011 at 02:25 Reply With Quote

It's a combination, Mary, nature does have some effect, Nurture has a lot more! Our kids, are all wonderful, and have great natures. A friend is/was a wonderful parent, and his kids are are all great, one of them, however, is nothing like the parents and, given, different nurturing as a youngster, I could see that he would have turned out quite a different, angry, young man. I also know many adoptees, my daughter-in-law, was one. In her case, nature has turned her into a loving and caring person. Her adoptive parents did the best they knew how, but they certainly could not have nurtured her to be what she is now. SWMBO came from a dysfunctional family and it took many years of nurture on my part to overcome some of her childhood nurture, her nature, however, has always been kind and loving.

Nature without nurture, or vice-versa, will never produce as good a result as both combined!
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