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In memory of Karl Davis, founder of this board, who made his final journey 12th June 2007

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Topic Review

[*] posted on 12-6-2011 at 20:13
I worked with a couple who adopted a boy and a girl and the problems that couple had with those children I am sure that I couldn't have coped with.

[*] posted on 12-6-2011 at 17:40
Originally posted by marymary100
I meant their decision not to adopt.

Presumably you mean adopting a child ?

If so, the comments I made in my previous post are valid.

Are you deliberately trying to infuriate me ? waggyfinger
It's a ruddy disgrace, that's what it is, you should be jolly well ashamed of yourself and no mistake ! ;)

[*] posted on 12-6-2011 at 16:39
I meant their decision not to adopt.

[*] posted on 12-6-2011 at 13:05
Originally posted by marymary100
I often wonder if they regret the decision they made.

Probably not, children can be a financial burden and they sometimes turn out bad, doing things like taking drugs, dealing in drugs and driving motor vehicles whilst they are intoxicated, thus leading them to be banned from driving and the parent has to act as a taxi service in order to take them to work.

[*] posted on 12-6-2011 at 08:49
I used to work beside a man who married a girl much younger than himself. He always said, even before he met her, that he would never adopt as you never knew what you were getting.

As luck would have it, they never managed to have children of their own and true to his word didn't adopt either. He's now retired and she continues to work her way towards retirement. I often wonder if they regret the decision they made.

[*] posted on 12-6-2011 at 02:25
It's a combination, Mary, nature does have some effect, Nurture has a lot more! Our kids, are all wonderful, and have great natures. A friend is/was a wonderful parent, and his kids are are all great, one of them, however, is nothing like the parents and, given, different nurturing as a youngster, I could see that he would have turned out quite a different, angry, young man. I also know many adoptees, my daughter-in-law, was one. In her case, nature has turned her into a loving and caring person. Her adoptive parents did the best they knew how, but they certainly could not have nurtured her to be what she is now. SWMBO came from a dysfunctional family and it took many years of nurture on my part to overcome some of her childhood nurture, her nature, however, has always been kind and loving.

Nature without nurture, or vice-versa, will never produce as good a result as both combined!

[*] posted on 11-6-2011 at 19:41
I am inclined to believe that the one author who said that parents do not have a profound effect on their children is wrong. In particular, I know of parents who did not prevent sexual molestation of a child, or who gave small children alcohol and other drugs and thought it was funny to watch a five-year-old daughter who was drunk.

In Bill Hybels' book "Whispers," he tells of a Christian who heard a mother say that when her baby would cry, she would put liquor in the baby's bottle, and then the baby would calm down. The Christian lady found this heartbreaking--how could a child raised in such a way have any chance for success in life? She felt led by the Lord to devote her efforts to helping and advancing children, which she has done ever since.

[*] posted on 11-6-2011 at 11:13
Full article

AC: Some people are just self-motivated my husband was. I also believe there are many children for whom parental involvement is key. I had academic parents and I was a good student, but when I was 14, I got into a bad crowd, my grades starting falling. My father used some tough language on me, and now, as an adult, I am so grateful. Some people don't need parental commitment, they will still come out great, but for others, parents can be critical in providing moral and academic guidance.

BC: Most of my book is based on a summary of 40 years of adoption and twin studies the usual result is parents just don't have much effect on their kids. In your book you have lots of great stories about how you influenced your kids, and I believe you did for a while, but what the adoption and twin evidence says is that the feeling that parents are changing their kids is based on an illusion. There is a big short-run effect, but the long-run effect is very different.

How to parent and at the end of the day is nature more important than nurture?