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In memory of Karl Davis, founder of this board, who made his final journey 12th June 2007

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Author: Subject: Smile!
LSemmens
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[*] Post 483052 posted on 16-1-2014 at 03:06 Reply With Quote
Smile!



A hooded robber burst into a bank and, at gunpoint, forced the tellers to load their cash into
a plain brown bag.

As the robber approached the door, one brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber's face.
Without a moment's hesitation, the robber shot the customer.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot & killed her also.

Everyone in the bank, by now horrified, stared down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There was a long moment of dead silence in which everyone was terrified to speak.

Then, one old Australian named Bernie cautiously raised his hand and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you !!!!."
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delanti
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[*] Post 483053 posted on 16-1-2014 at 03:52 Reply With Quote


DIVORCE SETTLEMENT

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked! People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided
they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut
their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only 1/10 nth of what the house had been worth .... but only if he would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ...


and just to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods !!!


I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU...? :D
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the bear
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[*] Post 483054 posted on 16-1-2014 at 04:43 Reply With Quote


Now I like that :)

What does a whirlwind and a wife have in common,,,,,,,,,,,





They both get the house


Regards the Bear waveysmiley
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