Alf - the elf !
ALF, THE ELF.
Alf, the Elf, was afraid of himself,
which made his life quite scary.
He disliked gnomes, and mobile ‘phones,
and anything remotely hairy!
He hated fog, and if he saw a frog
it could make him sick for a week -
but there was no cure, he just had to endure
the havoc that living could wreak!
He couldn’t eat cheese - it made him sneeze,
and nothing that had ever had legs
could be put on his table, and he was quite unable
to even contemplate eggs.
He would not have rice, or pickled dormice,
no pasta, no toast, or potatoes.
No peas, no plums, and no currant buns,
no rabbit, rhubarb, nor tomatoes!
His faddy diet nearly caused a riot,
and his behaviour drove everyone crazy,
for he was known to be rude, incredibly crude,
intolerant, and totally lazy.
Then the Elf Queen decreed “Enough indeed,
our reputation is being defamed!
Give him some work and don’t let him shirk.
This willful elf has to be tamed!”
So Alf was made to take up a trade.
and was given a mobile store
to run for one year - on routes far and near,
to see if that could be a cure.
He worked every day to make the store pay,
and started a night-shift beside.
but, unused to such strain, it exploded his brain,
and sadly one night Alf just died.
Filled with remorse the Queen said “Of course
we must send for a priest in a surplice
to lead us all in prayers for Alf’s soul -
and we’ll call it a National Elf Service !”
© Nimuae 2011