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Author: Subject: Challenge !
Nimuae
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[*] Post 371875 posted on 11-4-2009 at 18:12 Reply With Quote
Challenge !



Here we go:-

Look at this picture, then write a story or a poem about it.

Use these questions as a guide.

Where is this gate - house, castle, industrial estate ?
Whose gate is it?
Are we looking out or looking in?
What is on the other side of the gate?
Who is about to come through it?
What will happen to them?

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Snowy
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[*] Post 371890 posted on 12-4-2009 at 08:10 Reply With Quote


"The Gate"....By Snowy.

The gate is near and I feel the fear
I'm walking up ,..... see the guards above
My heart is pounding but I must persue
To go through the gate......and to get to you.


The gate is looming and I dread the fear
For what I may find when I go through
I need to know, I need to know
If you are there.....and do you love me so.


The gate will not open, what shall I do
The wall is too high, I cannot climb
Wait my love, wait my love
I will be with you soon.......In body and mind.


Suddenly the gate opens, it gives me a fright
I slowly walk through to a welcoming sight
You are there, you are there
I rush towards you.........but your soul is bare.


I turn to escape but the gates have closed
I am trapped here forever and start to cry
But then it dawns, the real truth
I am with you now and forever....the love of my life.

:):)Please dont laugh at it, it is my first attempt !
:P
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Nimuae
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[*] Post 371891 posted on 12-4-2009 at 10:03 Reply With Quote


I am certainly NOT laughing, Snowy. If that is truly your first poem, then it is an excellent beginning. May I make a few suggestions to facilitate the 'scan' ?

Verse 1 - last line - take out the 'and'.

Verse 2 - line 1 - again, take out the 'and', a comma would do just as well there.

Be wary of 'ands' - we all tend to stick them in where they are not always necessary.

It is a really good poem - I love the way you build an air of menace, "the gate is looming", "I dread the fear"; tease us with "you are there" so we think it is going to be happy, then hit us with "your soul is bare" - that is such a powerful line!

Well done, Snowy !!
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