Karl`s PC Help Forums

Loneliness
marymary100 - 20-1-2018 at 00:33

http://www.itv.com/news/2018-01-17/i-can-go-for-days-without-speaking-one-womans-experience-of-loneliness-as-government-takes-ac tion/


Quote:

I can go for days without speaking to anybody," explains Janet.
Along with more than nine million people in the UK, the 71-year-old suffers from loneliness.
Sometimes, she says, she goes to the supermarket just to have someone to speak to, if she did not, she believes she could easily go for months without speaking to another person.
On Tuesday, Janet went for a walk on London's Oxford Street, simply because it is busy and there are lots of people around.
So pressing is the issue of isolation that Theresa May has appointed a minister for loneliness, an idea recommended by murdered MP Jo Cox, in a bid to tackle the misery felt by many.
Ms Cox, who was murdered by a far-right terrorist, campaigned repeatedly before her death as she looked a methods to combat loneliness.
Tracey Crouch has become the first person to be appointed to the position.


In the absence of religion and strong family bonds and increasing use of social media I think this problem will only get worse.

I want to bring the college in to deliver a barista course to our senior pupils who will then run a café for an hour or so a day or week. It will provide a place to go for a cheaper coffee with a bit of a chat and if we target the shut ins near by and the parents who don't work make us more of a hub. The barista qualification and a volunteering award will be the pay off for my older pupils and an intergenerational approach might lead to better community relations.

Have any of you managed to help the lonely to improve their lives.


scholar - 20-1-2018 at 02:48

I visit home shut-ins, people in hospitals, and people in nursing homes.

I sometimes bring Ruby with me.

When I am visiting someone from a congregation in a nursing home, I have been in the habit of playing Christian hymns and songs on my guitar in the activity room, if it is available, and I share a devotion. In this way, I sometimes get joiners who would be left out if I held the devotion privately in my member's room.

On Christmas Day, I was unable to visit any shut-in members (more than 100 miles from my home, and the weather had prevented me from preaching on December 24), but I did call them, individually, on my phone. greengrin

Ruby knows a lot of people in our city and is big-hearted to them.


scholar - 20-1-2018 at 02:53

I know a man who lives alone in a shabby mobile home. He has some limits on what he can do because he cannot read. I met him through Ruby, who has known him for many years.

Ruby was on the phone with him one day and he mentioned that it was his birthday. Ruby invited him over to our home. We spent some time with him and fed him. I gifted him a nice Old Spice brand toiletry kit.

I could tell he was moved. (I don't think anyone else took notice of his birthday.) Sometime within the next week he stopped by and left me a gift of a box of small snack cakes while I was at work.


LSemmens - 20-1-2018 at 06:27

The problem with many who are lonely and shut in, is that many people are not even aware that these people exist. It's, sadly, and invisible problem, because those who are lonely are often not of a mind to get out and meet people. How to connect with such people is problematic.

I think you are spot on, Mary, the absence of religion and family does make for an increasingly isolated society.
The Barista Course is a great idea, and I wish your students well in it.


Nimuae - 20-1-2018 at 08:16

What exactly is a 'Minister for Loneliness' going to do about it?

I live alone now - but am never lonely as I am blessed with good friends, kind neighbours, and the ability to pursue lots of hobbies. Supposing I was lonely - what would Tracey Crouch do - invite me round for tea?

How is she going to differentiate between those who are lonely and those who just value their privacy?

It is a pretty thought but I cannot see how it will work.


marymary100 - 20-1-2018 at 09:58

I think it's about creating opportunities for those who want to have somewhere to go.


John_Little - 20-1-2018 at 10:42

Not everyone is as lucky as you, 'Nim. But I have to say I'm surprised that a 71 year old should feel that way today. I have a number of friends in their 70s, and a couple in their 80s. They weren't that old when I got to know them, mind. It just sort of happened.


Nimuae - 20-1-2018 at 11:49

I do know how lucky I am, John, and frequently count my blessings. The fact that I am still fit and able to take off on a whim is an advantage. Also we have a good community spirit here - if I were not seen for a couple days one of the neighbours would be round to check if I were OK. My next door neighbour often asks if there is anything I need when he is going to the shops.

What puzzles me is - how do these people become so isolated in the first place? Yes - we lose partners/relatives, children grow up and leave home, but do they not stay in touch with them? Do they not keep in contact with friends? I am in daily contact with my best friend - either meeting for coffee in each other's houses or a quick chat on the telephone. My oldest friend has been around since I was 2yrs old and we chat on the telephone and meet up for crafting sessions quite often.

It must be more difficult if they are housebound - but do their friends just cast them off because they cannot go out with them?

It is a sad reflection on society that there are people who feel like this - but I still don't see what a 'minister' can do about it.


John_Little - 20-1-2018 at 12:10

I don't suppose the minister does, yet. If it was me, I would encourage local initiatives perhaps by offering grants or liaising with local councils about opening up council offices or rooms in buildings to enable coffee mornings and stuff. Its obviously got to be a local thing so the minister cant be everywhere at once.


marymary100 - 20-1-2018 at 12:26

I think that families move away or work such long hours that there is no time for a regular meet up. People used to live and work in the same area for most of their lives but I have lived on three continents and the offspring of my generation are far flung. I am meeting my friends for lunch today that I went to school with but only one of us lives in the town we grew up in so I think your situation is rarer than you would like to think Nim. My former colleague who is in her 80s still gets out and about despite being blind but that's largely down to folk like me making the effort. If you were something in your community - like the teacher or the nurse - people look out for you. If you didn't work or have the funds to get out and about it would be easy to become isolated.


Nimuae - 20-1-2018 at 17:01

Quote:
Originally posted by John_Little
I don't suppose the minister does, yet. If it was me, I would encourage local initiatives perhaps by offering grants or liaising with local councils about opening up council offices or rooms in buildings to enable coffee mornings and stuff. Its obviously got to be a local thing so the minister cant be everywhere at once.


There are a lot of 'drop in' centres and 'over 60s' coffee places around here, run mainly by volunteers - which is fine for those who are mobile I suppose. I am grateful for my bus pass - have been known to abandon housework and take off to the seaside for the day. Certainly one of the better 'perks' of being older.


Nimuae - 20-1-2018 at 17:05

Quote:
Originally posted by marymary100
I think that families move away or work such long hours that there is no time for a regular meet up. People used to live and work in the same area for most of their lives but I have lived on three continents and the offspring of my generation are far flung. I am meeting my friends for lunch today that I went to school with but only one of us lives in the town we grew up in so I think your situation is rarer than you would like to think Nim. My former colleague who is in her 80s still gets out and about despite being blind but that's largely down to folk like me making the effort. If you were something in your community - like the teacher or the nurse - people look out for you. If you didn't work or have the funds to get out and about it would be easy to become isolated.


What a sobering thought though - having to have a 'minister' to combat loneliness. Could part of it be that people are not so friendly anymore, more cautious of chatting to a stranger on a park bench perhaps or even, for whatever reason, just not willing to make the effort to be social?


marymary100 - 20-1-2018 at 17:25

Someone online complained about taking their daughter to ballet and sitting at in the café to read their book while another parent came over and sat down across from them and started to chat. I was amongst the few who thought it "acceptable" to chat to a stranger. The vast majority of the English Brits thought it rude to intrude. So if that is the majority viewpoint social isolation will only get worse. No more acceptance of the stranger who might be a potential new friend.


Nimuae - 20-1-2018 at 19:42

Quote:
Originally posted by marymary100
Someone online complained about taking their daughter to ballet and sitting at in the café to read their book while another parent came over and sat down across from them and started to chat. I was amongst the few who thought it "acceptable" to chat to a stranger. The vast majority of the English Brits thought it rude to intrude. So if that is the majority viewpoint social isolation will only get worse. No more acceptance of the stranger who might be a potential new friend.


That is so sad. I would have found it not only acceptable but delightful that someone would want to chat with me. Books can be read anywhere/anytime.


LSemmens - 20-1-2018 at 21:50

Well said Nim. You've only got to look around at the number of people who are so engrossed in a small rectangular box that they can't even drive a car without looking at it to see how loneliness can be a real issue.


John_Little - 20-1-2018 at 22:33

I think Nim has nailed it. Loneliness is for those who can't get out to the organised stuff. I suppose that's where neighbours come in. And people like Scholar.

As Jimi Hendrix once,sang "Loneliness is such a drag"


scholar - 21-1-2018 at 01:22

Quote:
Originally posted by Nimuae
What puzzles me is - how do these people become so isolated in the first place?

I think many people are inclined toward self-interest, if not downright selfishness. If a person they encounter acts needy, is boring, annoying, and irritable--well, if you don't already love them from earlier contact in happier times, the selfish person is likely to walk away. Don't most of us like to be around happy, beautiful, interesting, healthy, helpful, energetic people?

If the Lord did not rule in my life and prompt me toward helping others, I would not be living the life of service I now lead. And, I confess, my big-hearted, generous wife Ruby does better than I sometimes. (It tends to work out, that I follow her lead when she is more willing, and she follows my lead when I am more willing.)


marymary100 - 21-1-2018 at 12:16

With fewer organised groups to "do something" it is up to individuals to step up. The whole "big society" thing never took off here.


John_Little - 21-1-2018 at 13:00

In our old house, I used to be a bit of a gardener - ish. I always envied the lawn in the house two or three doors down. Then, when the lawn started to suffer from lack of attention, I decided to knock and ask if the woman needed any help. She accepted and I cut her grass for a while.

But it soon became obvious, that the main thing she appreciated was me being there and having a cup of tea with her. The thing is, I had a young family and didn't really want to spend too long with her. I didn't mind a quick cuppa but I wanted to get in, cut the grass, drink the tea and go. She wanted a lot more. And not in the biblical sense I might quickly add. She died soon after.


LSemmens - 22-1-2018 at 00:13

But, at least you made the effort, John. Many others would have just said, "They should do something". Whoever this mythical "THEY" is.